Jenny Lao-Phillips
Being one of the few local Chinese among a group invited to a wedding recently, acquaintances new to Macao naturally came to me for advice on the custom of local wedding banquets. That reminded me, it wasn’t just this wedding. In the last few years, quite a number of acquaintances from abroad or from mainland China had asked me about local wedding traditions. So, I started to ponder on the evolution of the Chinese Wedding in Macao, which has been getting more and more complicated over the years.
I remember from when I was a kid, the morning ceremony involves the groom coming to the bride’s home to ‘pick the bride up’ at an auspicious time. It is customary for the bridesmaids to open the door to the groom and his groomsmen, and a ‘Door Opening Lai See’ (red package) will be given to the bridesmaids for luck. After that, the groom’s father-in-law will offer the bride’s hand to the groom. The morning ceremony ends with the bride and groom offering incense to the gods and ancestors, and tea to the bride’s parents. Then off they go to the groom’s place for lunch.
Nowadays, it is not that simple. The groom is expected to arrive an hour before the auspicious time to jump through hoops in order for the bridesmaids to open the door. The groom and his men are given numerous challenges ranging from doing push-ups to running up stairs to reciting love poems on the street while being filmed. And these are just the less creative challenges. Then the bridesmaids demand an auspicious amount for the ‘Door Opening Lai See’, something like MOP8,888 before they consider opening the door. But that’s just the first door. The bride usually stays in her room until the groom completes another round of challenges before she comes out, which sometimes involves the groom eating a bunch of wasabi filled sushi and singing a cheesy love song in tears. If the father-in-law enjoyed the performance too much, he may throw in a few more challenges himself before handing over his daughter’s hand to the groom.
In the afternoon, after having lunch at the groom’s home and offering tea to the groom’s parents, the newlyweds’ car, followed by a fleet of cars of bridesmaids and groomsmen, will drive around Macao. Why? Traditionally, three days after being married, the couple would go back to the bride’s home to visit her parents. That was because after being married, the wife would become a member of the husband’s family, and couldn’t go home to her parents that often, especially not within three days of getting married. We still adopt the tradition, but instead of three days, to save time, most couples do it on the same day. So after driving around Macao they return to the bride’s home, and head to the banquet venue together with relatives.
In the last 10 to 12 years, it has become customary for couples to show a video of their lives, and from a few PowerPoint Slides, photos of how they grew up, met, fell in love and got engaged, it has become high quality videos nowadays. After that, the bride and groom enter for the usual cake cutting, toasting and speeches. Then the 12-course Chinese Banquet begins.
One more thing – modern brides often change into five different wedding dresses and gowns throughout the night. I have often been asked why. This has nothing to do with local tradition; I guess it’s just once in a lifetime a woman gets to wear all the wedding gowns she likes. Jenny Lao-Phillips
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