Linda Kennedy
Being hunted down by Italian police, across nations and borders, is not a thing that happens to me much. But I just had a Mafia moment and there’s a warning in it for others. Here’s what happened:
WhatsApp from father:
There’s a registered envelope in today’s post. Are you expecting anything?
WhatsApp from me:
No. Can you open it?
Father:
It’s from Pisa police. Shall I read it?
Me:
EH???!!! I can’t have got a speeding ticket.
Father:
That would be a surprise.
I await his next text, giddy at the prospect of getting done for fast driving. The letter, I assume, is linked to a family holiday in Italy last year. We’d hired a car, and the rental company was given my Dad’s address in Scotland.
As chief driver, I’d driven under the speed limit. Hey, I was on the other side of the road, using unfamiliar routes. My speed was prudent – yet it was the target of much repartee and honking.
Suddenly, I am on the cusp of a wild new reputation. I start scripting an email to my brother, the greatest lampooner of my vehicular velocity: ‘Guess what, bruv, I SPED. ‘
WhatsApp photo from father:
Oh dear.
It is not a speeding ticket. It’s a 200 Euro fine prompted by my intrusion into something called a ZTL. Further reading reveals Pisa city centre has a restricted traffic zone, and the ZTL is its name.
I think back. For the first night, I’d booked an atmospheric B&B in an old courtyard near Pisa centre. We’d arrived after dark. Even with GPS, it was hard to find.
I assume I had blundered into the ZTL after taking a wrong turn. Boyfriend – a more analytical sort – starts piecing together the background to my crime. One Google map later, he cracks the case.
The atmospheric B&B was INSIDE the ZTL!
When did traffic get so dramatic? I didn’t know one had to procure a ZTL pass, and the B&B owners hadn’t emphasised this. You may say it was my responsibility to swot up on Pisa’s perils, but I advise people visiting Hong Kong that a T8 means stay indoors or you will be hit by more than a fine. By which I mean, I know the local dangers and pass them on.
The appeals process looks daunting. All pleas for clemency must be conducted in Italian. Boyfriend has an operative in Italy – ok, a helpful friend and colleague – to whom he talks. Helpful Italian operative pays percentage of fine, and is reimbursed.
I now have an official record of committing a traffic offence in Italy. It’s glamorous, but also quite expensive.
Moving forward (still at 10km/hr). Pisa hoteliers, please tell guests if your establishment is inside the ZTL. I don’t expect you to lean over backwards – you’re not the Tower – but a warning would be good.
And, Italy, maybe subvert some stereotypes to spread the word about ZTLs generally. They’re not exactly off the mark, are they? Italians are always late, it’s said. The intrusion into the ZTL happened last August. The fine arrived in Scotland at the end of June. If there had been a ZTL in medieval times, the fine might have arrived quicker by scroll delivered on horseback.
Some suggestions, therefore:
An Italian singing an aria about the ZTL. To the tune of ‘Just One Cornetto’:
‘Just one ZTL entry fee, give it to me,
You will not be pursued after your stay in Italy.’
And cherubs on street signs, pointing their wings at the entry points to the ZTL. ‘Beware all who cometh here’.
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