Girl About Globe | Walkers of the World, Unite!

Linda Kennedy

Fancy hiking up Mont Rouge, Burberry Peak or Ben Xi Jinping? Me neither.

Hills are being taken over by hike virgins. Here’s the situation in Hong Kong.

It’s Sunset Peak, on the Lantau Trail, one recent Sunday. The hill is over-crowded. There are hundreds of hikers, and tripping over their trekking poles is a recurring danger.

Silence? Forget it. Music is played from the rucksack of every second climber. I’ve heard of China’s peaceful rise, but ascents today sure are noisy.

Many climbers sit on the trail for a rest. Yep. Right on the steps. Other hikers must veer round them, into the steep and slippy soil next to the path, whilst the relaxing hiker takes a selfie and posts. A thin film of sweat is evidently a great filter.

Who are all these hikers? Many speak Mandarin, often loudly, so I’m not in dodgy territory by suggesting they are mostly mainland tourists. (Though I was, several times, when forced off the path.)

First, let’s contemplate what this could lead to in Hong Kong. Will luxury goods’ retailers try to get in on this trend, opening outlets on a low mountain shoulder, or flat enough rock? Sunset Peak risks becoming known as Burberry Peak. Or Mount Chanel.

But the number of outbound Chinese tourists means this may also happen globally. Radio Rucksack will be coming at you, hikers on the Alps, the Cairngorms, the Rockies.

The threat is not just to trail etiquette. As the Chinese buy companies and buildings overseas, why not mountains? In Scotland, the Cuillins were once put up for sale. Under future Chinese landowners, Ben Nevis might become Ben Xi Jinping. Scafell Pike in the Lake District could be renamed CCPike. In Switzerland, the Eiger might become the Chinese Tiger and Mont Blanc could turn rouge. Though in the US, Donald Trump would eagerly offer to redub the highest Rocky, Mount Elbert, Mount Extraordinary Elevation, a homage to how he described President Xi’s status boost at the recent Communist Party Congress.

Then Chinese mainlanders will go Xi-bagging across the world – ticking off all the new patriotic peaks.

What to do? Consumer reports say sport is set to be a massive sector on the Chinese mainland. So much so, the government plans to build sports towns. Why not build mountains? Construct an Alp in every Chinese province. Get Ben Nevis East raised outside Beijing. Get the Lake District copied near Hangzhou.

Walkers of the world, unite. Get together to persuade China to replicate your mountains in their motherland. Point out Xi Jinping loves to dominate summits – usually the G20, but why not hilltops in his homeland?

Back on Sunset Peak, I imagine ways to stop all this, right here, right now. A sign saying ‘RESPECT SOLITUDE’ isn’t enough.

What about Weibo? Might the HK government pay a famous blogger to shoot a video in which he walks silently up Lantau Peak and sits on the provided benches?

Bad thoughts also grow. Rumours could surely create superstitions about the trails, and discourage fate-fearing hikers. Let’s everyone put it about that these hills were once a cemetery. Yes, all of them. And, of course, the number 4 is unlucky. Sunset Peak is stage 2 of the Lantau Trail, and Lantau Peak is stage 3. Can they be renumbered? Could every stage be section 4?

Or, is it actually in the hands of fate? Do we just hope a mainland celebrity walks the trail and takes a selfie with bad light that doesn’t get many likes?

Something has to change. If not, for other hikers, it’s all downhill from here.