Leanda Lee
“Sir, may I see the children to say good- bye?”
On a day earlier this month a domestic helper was told by her boss that her contract and blue-card would not be renewed. The employer gave her no reason, but she believes it was because she was close to the children. The wife had become jealous of the relationship she had developed with them. Communication between employer and employee faltered and maintaining the contract became untenable.
“I know the eldest is crying for me, Ma’am,” she said to me, her eyes welling up. “I wasn’t able to say good-bye to her. No notice. No warning. They just cut the blue-card.”
She had been working for the family for nearly a decade. The eldest child she cared for was a toddler when she started, now a prepubescent teen. She had been the one to comfort the youngest to sleep as a baby. The worker was given no consideration for her years’ work, no return flight home to the Philippines, no severance payment, no long service remuneration: no sign of any appreciation.
More than the failure to abide by the law and common courtesy, she felt betrayed by the dismissive treatment. Relationships may sour, hurt may develop into hate, but surely at some point a generosity of spirit calls for a respectful acknowledgement by one human being to another. This woman, who had been working in their home for all those years, has feelings and fears, insecurities and joys, and deserves some recognition for her service.
Horror stories in domestic helper employment relationships are common enough and neither party is immune to poor behaviour. Given the power imbalance, the more dire crimes, as seen in headlines, are generally perpetrated against the employee.
Even good employers, however, can fail to see or to even be aware of the emotional labour involved in working so closely with a family, especially when they are a big part of the lives of the children. These workers are frequently with the children from birth and spend more time with them than the parents. A bond will certainly be created and the worker’s influence will contribute to making our children what they are.
For many domestic helpers, the employer’s children are closer to them than their own children left in the care of family in their homeland: distance does not usually make the heart grow fonder and constant physical contact binds people together. The hugs and kisses of a small child and that child’s dependence will develop a fondness, even love, in all but the hardest of hearts.
Although working within a family involves true feelings, emotional labour is also part of the deal. Emotional labour is work that involves regulating emotions to meet the requirements of a job. Nurses, teachers, social workers are examples of such roles. Controlling emotions, and especially to respond to people in ways one would not normally, is stressful. Highly charged situations increase the strain.
These ladies who work in our homes give more than their physical labour and time. They interact in the emotional lives of our homes, and they negotiate and navigate those treacherous paths of petty and real jealousies. They smile and hold their tongues when they would prefer to retort, and they tread carefully when nerves are frayed. They walk a fine line between friend, confidant, and employee. The constancy of their emotional labour deserves recognition and their stoicism distanced from their own loved ones deserves admiration.
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