Girl About Globe | Clean air, no bull

Linda Kennedy

Here’s an idea. Macau could have a hotel called The New Zealander Macau. No casino. Just hills, cable cars and thermal pools – all indoors.   

Slogan: ‘Forget a good hand.  Enjoy the best breath.’

Why? In the future, there is going to be AQI tourism. Travellers who choose destinations not because of sunshine or heritage – but the quality of air.

I was home in Scotland recently. The Air Quality Index (AQI) in the capital city, Edinburgh, was 34 on the same day that Macau’s AQI reached 112, and Hong Kong’s was over 130. 

Let’s remind ourselves what these figures mean. An AQI number below 50 is gulpingly great. Between 51-100 is still fair air. 101-150 is bad news for lungs and tongues. Above 151 it would be unwise to gasp in horror. Over 200, the chart is purple. That colour says it all.

So, why wouldn’t one want ‘an escape from it all’ to include pollution? The idea of making a purchase decision based on air isn’t ridiculous. Three years ago, Australia started selling air, in cans, to the Chinese. The product was called ‘100% Pure Australian Air’. It started as a novelty tourist souvenir, for Chinese visitors to ‘take home a little of Australia’. But when sales figures grew, two Sydney businessmen went into production for real.

Given there seems to be an ‘air-aware’ market segment ready to be developed, where could an AQI tourist be persuaded to go?

Scotland, for starters. Filled with glens and bens – which are, respectively, valleys and big hills. The clean air might have small insects that we call midges but, hey, extra protein.

Switzerland. Ultimate mountain air. Pure Alpine goodness.

And New Zealand. Their tourist photographs show lakes, glaciers and sounds, against a background of a pristine sky.

Let’s here return to the idea of The New Zealander Macau. You might be thinking: ‘say what? Given these nice clean countries already exist, why the devil would a hotel be required?’

Answer: burping cows.

A report this week said burping cows are more damaging to the environment than all the cars on the planet. Emissions from both ends of livestock cause methane, a greenhouse gas. Methane contributes to long-term environmental decline rather than daily air quality. But still. If you’re a beautiful country with cows, you have a herd issue. Those cows are ruining your air quality pitch.

Consider New Zealand. It has natural wilderness but it also has a big, big dairy industry all going ‘hic’. Oh dear.

And Scotland. Our Highland cattle pose in their ginger woolly coats all over Instagram. And all the while they are creating Glen Methane.

Little wonder the savvy Swiss have long had cow bells to mask the burps. 

Hence the idea of Macau stepping in to build hotels which would serve the AQI tourist sector. minus the cows. Clean air, no bull.

Travel aside, there are other reactions to gassy cattle which alarm me. If cows present such a threat to the environment, will what they produce become stigmatised? Like cheese. Or even milk? Is this burp business going to turn a frothy cappuccino into a guilty pleasure? 

As well as AQI tourism, I leave you with this prediction. A burp offsetting industry will emerge, just as carbon offsetting did a few years ago. Every time you eat or drink dairy, you will be encouraged to purchase burp offsetting credits, to take responsibility for your methane footprint.

And it’s inevitable: Hong Kong is going to have a cool café chain which serves burp-neutral milk. And I, for one, shall be disappointed if it’s not called Cappuccin-moo.