Girl About Globe | How China could end Rain and Snow – and avoid Typhoons

Linda Kennedy

William is one of the top three names for newborn boys in the USA. Under Trump, it seems more and more people are making a Will.

But might a Typhoon be born this year, there or elsewhere? If naming fashions continue, maybe.

Baby names chosen by parents in the United Kingdom were announced by the Office of National Statistics. Amongst them were some enjoyable choices. Hello to lots of Princesses. Some Skylars. A few Junipers. There were also girls named Storm, Rain and Snow. After the worst storm in memory hit Asia last September, might there be embryos with a late spring 2019 due date heading for the name Typhoon?  Or, can we believe it, Mangkhut?

Oh dear. A few years ago, state media CCTV issued a set of guidelines for Chinese people choosing English names. It sought to steer especially young people away from designating themselves Dumbledore, or Vampire. ‘Stripper’ names like Lolly or Pussy were also advised against.

Loathe though I am to encourage Europe towards Chinese-style instruction to its people, I wonder if British parents wouldn’t benefit from a similar set of christening clues. Please no Sunshines. No Rain. No Snow. The weather is for small talk not small children. 

In the detail of the naming statistics, there’s another development: the name Jane is falling out of popularity. This, despite one of the world’s most popular Janes being Jane Austen. Her books are beloved and her most famous leading man is still the hero of many women’s hearts. Notwithstanding all that, are we seeing the end of Jane?

Let me reach for the smelling salts. Jane Austen was one of the sharpest satirists of her era, and were she here today, she’d surely be wickedly referencing naming fashions with her leading ladies. Elizabeth Bennet could actually be Storm Bennet. Jane Bennet, Juniper Bennet. Lydia Bennet Princess?

Mr Darcy, instead of being Fitzwilliam, might be Grayson or Jaxon (a couple of the popular boys names). There were also a few boys named Diesel. Mr Diesel Darcy? Just think, his forefather might have included Horse-Power Darcy.

And would the book ‘Emma’ actually be called ‘Skylar’? Or probably worse for lovers of Austen, might the novel be reset in America where Emma currently is the most popular name for a new baby girl.

But regarding the wider point – the decline of the name Jane – does China, here too, have a role to play, by being ready to take over Jane Austen worship and give renewed fashion status to the name ‘Jane’? 

Austen has already been translated into Chinese, and the conditions exist for her books to become yet more popular in the PRC. There’s a growing female interest in eras bygone with debutante culture, in particular, reemerging. Etiquette is now a serious business in China.

And Chinese women, according to a recent report, also want their future husbands to earn three times as much as them. It’s a reminder of the financial candour of Jane Austen’s characters when discussing eligibility. Mrs Bennet (the first Tiger Mother, though she didn’t know it) said: ‘My dear, he has five thousand a year.’ Chinese Tiger Mother would say: ‘My dear he has quite three times her salary’.

Greater popularity of Austen in China could mean more Chinese women choosing Jane as a Chinese name, if they were so inclined. Across the planet, I’d much rather have more Janes than Junipers.

But I leave you with yet more of Britain’s naming choices. Global-warming may be upon us but there’s still Winter. She is a girl. There are also Autumns, Winter-Roses, Autumn-Roses and Summers.