Girl About Globe | Floorplan #taupefail

Linda Kennedy

I was trying to get to Nepal but ended up in leggings. Or rather, I was trying to get to ‘Nepal’ and ended up in ‘leggings’. These were zones at Hong Kong Fashion Week, coloured differently on the floorplan for supposed ease of navigation but it was hard to tell biscuit from taupe from ecru. Squinting at the plan – definitely biscuit, surely? – I wondered: was this a test to see if one were a true fashionista who could appreciate a subtle palette? Clearly I wasn’t. Asking for directions at an Information Booth led to a glance that radiated one thought: #taupefail

Hong Kong Fashion Week. It’s the heart of style in Asia, with more booths than you have shoes, and zones called Urban Clothing and World of Accessories and many more. This week’s edition for Spring/Summer had the theme of Style in Motion and a special focus on fashionable sportswear. It meant the greatest regional concentration of lycra anyone has ever known. If HK were ever required to be flexible, this was the day.  Beijing, you missed it.

The plastic mannequins in the centerpiece displays seemed to have been sourced specially. Who knew there were mannequins that could do the splits? Or downward dog? Several looked like they would need hip replacements after their stint.

They weren’t the only things wrongly positioned. Some trends, I felt, were not being promoted as they might to the attendees. First exhibit in this case, ‘ functional fabric’.

‘What exactly is it?’ I asked an exhibitor, as part of an interview, to be told ‘functional fabric’ was waterproof and usually two-ply, sometimes three. Its warmth might save me on a climb. And then came the true revelation. “It’s also wrinkle-free,’ the exhibitor added.

I kept in an atmospherically-induced ‘fabulous’. This was no-ironing fabric. And it was going under the guise of sports tech? Its ironing-lite talents were misguidedly being placed after waterproofness.

The next thrill: ‘anti-blister’ shoes. Or perhaps that misrepresents the situation – they weren’t even shoes, they were silicone soles which pressed onto your feet, ostensibly to allow you to run or walk on hot beaches. Again, wrong selling point. These were ‘blister busters’ – a no-shoe breakthrough.

I have long been frustrated by the inability of tech to develop an algorithm which perfectly calculates your foot’s dimensions, and then sends by Bluetooth that information to a 3-D printer thereby creating bespoke footwear that might not end up causing agony. But, oh no, tech remains concerned with other reboots. Blisters are a reminder there are too few women in tech. If Elon Musk were female, and still got funding, we would have Foot X.

Press-on, peel-off soles. Perfect. No pressure points. No contact between leather or ‘man-made material’ (manufacturing is male too). What could go wrong? Where could be the rub? I see none. More visible feet? It might mean the requirement to start a petition for the state provision of pedicures on the basis that the retinal trauma caused, if such pedicures were not available, would ultimately be more expensive. A small workload for the return.

I never made it to Nepal, one of the new country pavilions at Fashion Week, and more crucially, near the café where pastry redemption was linked to your entry ticket. Perhaps forgoing calories was wise, given it was the fashion world.  But the detour resulting from getting lost was definitely worthwhile. I came across a booth called ‘Fook Hing Group Trading’.  Some things never go out of style, and a cheap gag is one of them. This column is rocking that look today.