Girl About Globe | Zing Zing Ding Ding

Linda Kennedy

Bullet trains are advancing across Asia. Malaysia and Singapore recently announced new bullet trains. India has a high-speed rail network on order. My big fear: a ‘bullet tram’ in Hong Kong.
I don’t often align myself with trainspotters but, on bullet trains I’m shoulder to shoulder. Not for the same reason, mind. They won’t be happy with bullet trains as they’ll get no time to jot a locomotive’s number. I’m not happy with bullet trains as there is too much transport innovation in the world and such zeal for modernising eventually spreads and threatens what you love.
And I love Hong Kong’s trams. On a sunny day, when not in a rush, the tram is rapture on rails. On a rainy day, when any alms-seeker with a spark of entrepreneurialism would be selling handkerchiefs for seat-dabbing, I just stand and still enjoy the ride. (Anyway, maybe the wet seats will go. Given the California Fitness gym chain has infuriatingly gone bust, pulling up the tram windows, to block out rain, is an alternative work out for the biceps.) Being old- fashioned is part of the tram’s charms. Sure, I may have occasionally wondered why the flights of steps between the upper and lower decks are – along with the buses – the only stairs in Hong Kong which aren’t escalators. Or pondered on why a city which prizes high-rises hasn’t added a third level to its tramcars therefore increasing the likelihood of a rush hour seat. But such omissions of modernization are largely accepted by all. Now, though, the spread of bullet trains seems an unmissable chance for Hong Kong’s travel authorities to address the aspect of the tram which most exasperates commuters: its speed.
Maybe they are already investigating how the tram rails could be upgraded to permit a ‘bullet tram’.  But I don’t want to sprint between traffic lights. Some of the tram tracks are curved – I fear going round them at speed. It would be like taking a flat-chested rollercoaster home to North Point. And, sure, the ‘bullet tram’ could have a cute new name: but I don’t want to travel on the ‘zing zing ding ding’.
Before you scoff at my panic, the world is full of eccentric transport ideas right now. Like a project to introduce bubble taxis. Yes, it’s for real. These ‘silent high-tech egg-shaped shuttles’ would hover just above rivers or shorelines and are already attracting attention from the municipal authorities of Paris, London and New York.
Hong Kong and Macau have always been rather good at utilizing their urban waterways to ease congestion, thank  you very much. Indeed, weren’t sampans an early form of the bubble taxi? But I’m already worrying about the dangers this innovation poses to another form of transport I love. Could the Star Ferry become the Star Bubble? It would be a crime equivalent to mutiny to make changes to the beloved ferries, but might the argument be made that bubbling over to Kowloon would reduce marine pollution in the harbor?
And even the buses face the risk of innovation. On the mainland, China has started test runs of its straddle bus, which elevates 300 passengers above the traffic in a 72-foot-­long vehicle. Detractors say it’s too heavy for most roads. And too high for many bridges. Imagine a Transit Elevated Bus (the posh name) following the route of Hong Kong’s 23 and straddling up to Caine Road. Dear lord no. Hong Kong is most definitely not up for straddling.
There really is only one transport innovation in Hong Kong of which I approve. A beer tram was recently launched.