Insight | A puzzled Chinese man in love

Paulo Barbosa

I met him at a coffee shop near the Nam Van Lake, where he asked my permission to sit at the table. I thought it was an atypical request, given that most people here seem to be foreigner-shy (unlike in other parts of the country), and I continued reading the newspaper until he began the conversation.

He looked like a Korean – as many Northern Chinese do – but told me he came from Shenzhen and was aged 30, although with a much younger appearence. An “uncle” – which I guess means a boss in Cantonese entrepreneur lingo – brought him to Macau to work in a restaurant. Just to do the “easy stuff,” he said.

To him, Macau is definitely not the international capital of gastronomy like the local propaganda makes it out to be. In contrast, it is a place where simple and unsophisticated food is served and where there is a disproportionate quantity of restaurants for the city’s size.

“Good food is in Shenzhen. There you find restaurants with authentic food from Sichuan, Shandong, Xinjiang and other places.”  Besides, he considers the menu prices in Macau were “expensive, too expensive.”

He spoke in broken English but tried to make himself understood and that is what matters the most. “I like to speak with foreigner. I need to speak to sleep.”

This guy’s strange behavior spurred my curiosity. I was listening.

He continued saying that his insomnia problems were aggravated by an intense passion for a woman, a colleague at the restaurant where he worked.

What should he do? All the Chinese people with whom he spoke with told him to do nothing because the woman is married. So he did, or tried to do. He went to Zhuhai, where he rented a room and “slept for a month.”

But the crush on the colleague did not end there. She was in a marriage that was “breaking up,” according to him. He described her as “a strong woman, who resisted the calamities around her,” such as the recent death of her parents; the father with a heart attack, the mother not long after with cancer. “In the Chinese mentality, men prefer less strong women. She is very strong, an owner of her own life.” This facet of her personality seemed to add to the confusion in his mind.

What should I tell him, dear reader? He seemed to be eager for advice, particularly coming from a foreigner…

As I sipped my coffee, looking nonchalant, I told a platitude: “Follow your feelings.” This seemed appropriate to say; it fits the situation like an astrologer prediction, vague and open to all possibilities. I wasn’t saying nothing, but what I said seemed to please him. Perhaps it had the valium effect which he needed badly or maybe my advice prompted him to action – I sincerely hope not.

The puzzled Chinese replied: “Yes, follow the flow, like in that hip-hop music.”

He got up looking pleased with the conversation and walked away without even saying goodbye.

I don’t know if he slept that night.